Dear Ms. Rivers,
Your recent display of fat jokes towards Adele on national television has left me with a burning desire to reach out to you. Your classy and timely display of empathy and connection to today's social realities has restored my belief in humanity.
In a world where we need more bullying, it's important that we publicly condemn those whose BMI indexes are slightly higher than ours. When bullied overweight people take their own lives, it isn't the bullies' fault; it's the victim's fault for not having thick enough skin. It's dog eat dog out there, and everyone's hungry - hungry for cutting edge commentary like yours.
Thank goodness we have been raised by popular culture to look up to washed up 79-year-olds who chain themselves to grocery carts for advice on how to treat one another. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but word wounds are intangible and heal quickly.
I considered resorting to a cosmetic surgery reference, but it would be unfair to ostracize those with extreme and innate fear of aging who restructure their faces to the point of sharing resemblances with R2D2 instead of donating that money to, say, a cause related to bullying.
So thank you Joan for your continued and inspiring relevance. Shame on the news media for not covering you more often. Awaiting with baited breath the next installment of your adventures.
A lifelong fan